web analytics
Browse > Home / ramblings / Something most of us already knew

| Subcribe via RSS

Something most of us already knew

January 3rd, 2010 Posted in ramblings

Children who are smacked by parents often turn out more successful than those who have not, research has found.

The study concluded that children who had been physically disciplined when they were young, between the ages of 2 and 6, were performing better as teenagers on almost every measure that was taken into consideration than those who had never been smacked.

It was only in cases where it continued beyond the age of 12 that the children were found to be affected negatively, resulting in a dip on performance indicators.

Hmmm.. How interesting.  When a child is very young it turns out that maybe you shouldn’t negotiate with them and instead enforce your will upon them so they learn the rules and know that breaking them has consequences.  Children are little animals that our job is to civilize over the course of 18 years so that they can then function in society by themselves, that is the absolute truth.  Some civilize easier than others, but all of them start off the same – me, me ME!

When I was a kid we would get spanked if we did something wrong, and we knew this.  Mom would give us the warning of “Knock it off or else” and we knew what the ‘or else’ was, a burning backside and grounded.  Those actions at a young age stayed with all of us as we got older so that even in the teenage years if mom said “Knock it off, or else” we really didn’t WANT to know what the ‘ore else’ was going to be because we knew it wouldn’t be good.

The only thing worse than that was when she would say “Fine.  I’ll let your father deal with you when he gets home.”  Which was essentially code for “Go outside and dig your own grave so your father can kill you immediately”.  Really, this is what kids need.  Limits set, rules enforced and discipline from their parents so that they know they aren’t the center of the universe and that they must conform to societies expectations, not the other way around.

I had a customer at the store one time with three boys and they were raising all kinds of hell and she kept asking them “please stop.  Please put that back.  Please don’t do that”.  Everything was “Please”.  These were boys from 6-8 years old and she couldn’t get them to do anything.  Finally she looks at me and says “Boys.  What can ya’ do, they never listen.”

“Would you like me to help you make them listen?”  I said.  I felt for her, she didn’t know how to handle them and I couldn’t stand there while three boys not only messed up my store, but also didn’t act the way young men should act.

“If you think you can.”  She actually laughed at me thinking that I would have as much luck as she did.

I snapped my fingers very loudly at them and said in my DI voice “GET OVER HERE, NOW!”

They froze in place and stared at me “What are you waiting for?!  Get over here, get in a line and I mean NOW!”

Boom, just like that they were lined up and quiet.  I explained to them that I would not tolerate them acting like hooligans in my store and that from now on I expected them to do exactly what their mom said, when she said it and with a response of “Yes, mom.”

It worked too, not because I was mean, I wasn’t.  I was firm and I meant everything I said and they knew it.  They didn’t know what the punishment would be for disobeying, but they knew there would be one and that was enough.  For the rest of the visit they were perfect gentlemen.   See, spanking is punishment and no kid likes punishment if it is REAL punishment.  You go with that half-ass ‘lets talk it out’ crap and they will walk all over you because they know you don’t mean it and so it doesn’t matter.

2 Responses to “Something most of us already knew”

  1. Ron Says:

    Did this once too – at a function @ girl-child’s school – much the same situation.

    Walked up to the (edge-of-freaking-out) mom, said “Hold on a second”, turned around and bellowed out “BOY!” with a slight pitch-rise at the end, just like my grandfather used to do.

    …turns out, it makes boys (and, somehow, only boys) within a 50-foot radius visibly flinch, even if they’re not used to gettin’ whupped.

    Always kind of wondered about that.

  2. ailuromaniac Says:

    I had one that you could have beaten to death and the level of defiance would escalate to the end. I was forced to re-think the “Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child.” adage.

    You know… A ROD is a unit of measure.

    Your manner of authoritatively addressing the boys raised the rod and communicated your expectation of their meeting your expectations.

    The natural desire to please in a child rose to the occasion as they did not want your disapproval and your tone clearly told them they had to meet your expectation or there would be consequences.

    The mom with her low expectation got exactly what she asked for from the boys.

    Now, my view on spanking is not don’t but on rare occasion or circumstance. For Example, I yanked said child off her tricycle when the front tire hit the street and tanned her bottom. As her tears flowed and she asked why? I said, “I am bigger than you and that hurt didn’t it?” At her nod, I pointed at a car and said, “That is bigger than you, too. I’d rather hit you than let you get hit by that. You stay out of the street.”

    She never rode into the street again and she was just 4 when this happened. One incident, one swift consequence, one solid reason provided then the Rod was firmly raised for her to know the measure to meet.

Leave a Reply