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We Cannot Escape Ourselves

April 10th, 2012 | 3 Comments | Posted in Furballs, Movies, webstuff

OH, dear God…

October 17th, 2011 | 2 Comments | Posted in crappy art, Movies, WTF

Just kill me now

X-Men: First Class writers Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz are hired for Top Gun 2

Apparently they tried to come up with a sequel concept and it didn’t work. So instead they are trying to “reinvent” it for the more modern age. Boring.

There were no details on what the plot might actually be. Tom Cruise could possibly come back for a small role or cameo. I want Val Kilmer.

If they do this, kill me and then fire my body off of the Kittyhawk’s #2 catapult because I don’t want to be alive to see it hit the theaters.

Despicable YES!

July 12th, 2010 | 2 Comments | Posted in Movies

I’m not one to call a movie ‘perfect’ or ‘brilliant’. I am much, much to cynical for something like that, but in the case of “Despicable Me” I will make an exception.

In the first ten minutes of the movie I had already decided it deserved a spot on the DVD shelf and it just got better from there. The main character is Gru, voiced by Steve Carrell. Gru is like a grown up version of Dexter from “Dexter’s Lab”. He’s kind of geeky, socially inept, and really just wants to be cool. Thankfully he has his yellow minions to cheer him on and treat him like the rock star he wants to be.

Gru’s nemesis is a new villain on the block by the name of Vector who reminds me of Dexter’s enemy Mandark. Anything Gru can do, Vector does better and it soon becomes a battle between the two to see who is the best villain and both of them deciding to steal the moon as the ultimate heist of the century.

In case this isn’t enough there are also the characters of Margo Edith, and Agnes. Three orphan girls who want nothing more than a home and, in the case of Agnes, a fluffy unicorn.

I won’t say much more about this except to say that this movie is perfect for boys, girls, kids and adults. The boys will love the minions, the girls will love the orphans, and everyone will enjoy the story and the loony toons style of comedy that is placed throughout the picture.

Seriously, just go see it.

How could I have missed this??!?!?!

May 16th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Movies, webstuff

May 13th was Top Gun Day.

Thankfully I have Air Force Blues to help me properly observe such a noble holiday.

My call sign, according to them, is ‘Shooter’.

I can live with that.

The Money Thief

February 16th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in crappy art, Movies

I was honestly looking forward to The Lightning Thief.  I had read the books and thought that they were nicely done with a linear storyline that lent itself very well to being turned into a script.  Apparently I was either VERY badly mistaken, or Craig Titley didn’t bother to actually read the book and only used crib notes while he turned out the screenplay for this Olympian sized disappointment.

Considering the other movies to his credit (Cheaper By The Dozen 1 and 2, Scooby-Do, and a TV “documentary’ that contends the moon landing was faked) I will contend that transforming a book with three strong main characters in Percy, Grover and Annabeth into a strong movie was far beyond his capacity as a writer.

**Spoilers Ahead**

While the books were fun and enjoyable to read, the movie plodded along as if everyone that was part of it was simply going through the motions.  Percy discovering that he is a demi-god is met with the same level of emotion as when his mother is killed by the Minotaur (yes, the same one).  A few brief words of “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it..” and then we are off to the next scene.  The entire movie felt like one forced scene after another and every one was disjointed and smashed together.  There was never a point where you felt like the picture had a pacing or flow to it that allowed the plot to reveal itself.  Instead every plot point is shoved in your face as if the entire audience is far too stupid to figure it out without big clues and signs.

In the books Percy’s parentage is slowly revealed because he is special.  In the books the “Big Three”, Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades had agreed not to have any more children with mortals because the last time they did it ended up with WWII being fought.  So Percy’s existence is chancy to say the least.  Just by breathing he has put the gods closer to going to war again.  In the books when Poseidon claims his son it’s a big deal, everyone is in shock.  In the movie it’s revealed by Chiron taking Percy to his cabin and saying “Here your father built this for you.” and the cabin looks like Captain Jack’s version of home with ships wheels and nautical items everywhere.

Every scene is rushed through to such a point that you end up wondering why one character helping the other.  They meet in the morning and by that night they are suddenly leaving together to go on a quest of life and death proportions??? Percy arrives at Camp Half Blood and somehow after only one day there is suddenly a huge bad ass with a sword and shield.  HUH??  Also, at the end of that single day he runs off on his quest to get Zeus’ lightning back.  In the books it is approached as a quest with the heroes consulting the Oracle of Delphi and being sent out but the movie can’t be bothered with this and instead resorts to having Zeus accuse Percy of stealing his lightning bolt for no reason at all except that he is Poseidon’s son.  Which, if it was stolen for the sake of stealing then Zeus would have looked to Hermes if anyone who wrote the script had thought about it for a moment.

The movie also removed Aries and Kronos as major characters, in fact, they aren’t even mentioned while in the book they are a couple of the central characters involved in the theft of Zeus’ lighting in the first place.  The movie version, in the end, makes no sense at all because events in this book lead to the next book so with the resolution that happens at the end of the movie, there is no need for a sequel.  To be totally honest though, it’s probably for the best.  All I can say in defense of this movie is that they didn’t have metachlorian’s in it.

Also, a final note, Camp Half Blood looked like it occupied all of about half an acre of land in the movie.  You would think they could have at least made the camp look somewhat believable instead of looking like it was constructed out of Lincoln Logs.

God spare us!

January 18th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Movies, wimps, WTF

Well, the sixties are back again only this time instead of kids named “Moonbeam” or “Flower” now we are going to have to deal with kids names Neytiri and Toruk.

MOVIE fans are rushing to name their babies after characters in sci-fi smash Avatar.

Choices include Neytiri – after the film’s Na’vi warrior-princess – and giant flying creature Toruk.

Another favourite is Pandora, name of the blockbuster flick’s fictional planet.

Add this to the people that are feeling depressed that the planet Pandora isn’t real

A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site “Naviblue” that he contemplated suicide after seeing the movie.

“Ever since I went to see ‘Avatar’ I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na’vi made me want to be one of them. I can’t stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it,” Mike posted. “I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in ‘Avatar.’ “

Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

This kind of people really irritate and piss me off.  Oh, the world isn’t fucking perfect and gee maybe if I off myself I can be reborn in a perfect world.  Fine, go for it.  Don’t try and improve the world around yourself by actually DOING something productive and positive.  Don’t go and work with charities or even just assist your neighbor, no, that would be silly.  Instead sit around on your ass surfing the internet and WISHING.

This is one of the huge differences I see between myself and my liberal co-workers. (Yes, I am using a specific example of something I have personally observed).  The store gets trashed by moron customers who grab magazines, books and coffee and then leave their shit all over the place.  They let their kids run rampant in the kids section and just throw everything on the floor and of course we have to clean it all up.

My liberal co-workers look at the mess and essentially give up “Oh, we’ll never get this done so why are we even bothering?” – yes, a direct quote.  My attitude, and the attitude of my more conservative co-workers is more along the lines of “If we don’t do it, then how will it get any better on it’s own?”

The liberals say things like “We should tell the customers….” while we just dive in and work.  They are all for telling someone else to do something “They should put their stuff away themselves” but we know that the idiots won’t do that so it’s up to us.  We may not be able to change their minds, but we don’t have to live with their mess.

I see the same thing with the Avatar crap above.

The movie was so beautiful and it showed something we don’t have here on Earth

What?!  We don’t have places of wonder and beauty on this planet???  Are you fucking kidding me?  Jesus, turn on Discovery Channel sometime and you’ll see some of the most amazing places EVER and they are right here on good ol’ planet Earth.   These whining douche-nozzles never seem to appreciate what they have right in front of them, always have to look around and find some reason to have cry baby fits over stupid shit.   Grow the fuck up people!

In the sixties they would have all been smoking dope and hanging out in Berzerkly, now they smoke dope and hang out on internet chat forums.  Fucking sad.